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Driving with a newborn – the journey home

Ok, so the pregnancy was officially over – the baby was born and was breathing actual air. We had a tangible product after nine months of manufacturing, but with no warranty or distance-selling regulations we had to take care of it. The first step was to get Evelyn home safely from the maternity ward and driving with a newborn did not come without its worries…

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Do not touch my baby’s face!

Everyone loves newborn babies – they’re cute, they don’t chat shit and you can always find them right where you left them. For some reason though, people see a newborn baby and automatically assume they have the right to put their hands out and touch baby’s face! Why?! Continue reading “Do not touch my baby’s face!”

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Level 1 complete: baby to toddler

Today is my daughter’s birthday party. She’s three years old – we managed to feed her enough nutrients and remove enough hazards for her to survive. Coming from a guy who electrocuted himself by touching a wire in Mexico “just to see if it was live”, this is pretty impressive stuff. Continue reading “Level 1 complete: baby to toddler”

Breastfeeding vs formula feeding

Breastfeeding: Breast is best, but don’t be a tit about it!

Breastfeeding is heavily championed by parenting groups and medical professionals. It’s a subject of huge controversy and I’ve seen close friends at each other’s throats discussing it. Breastfeeding is up there with religion when it comes to causing arguments and woe betide anyone who uses the internet to discuss it. Well buckle up folks, I’m opinionated and brazen enough to say what I think on the matter, from public breast feeding to the use of formula… Continue reading “Breastfeeding: Breast is best, but don’t be a tit about it!”

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“Sleep is for the weak!” – my daughter’s sleep pattern

It’s a curious thing – we crave, seek and pursue sleep but it’s essentially “dead time”. We don’t remember doing it but it takes up a third of our lives. If we don’t get enough of it we act like an arse and if we neglect it completely we just die. So why has mother nature decided that a newborn baby – something that takes a huge amount of concentration just to keep alive – will rob you of all but an hour’s kip here and there?! Continue reading ““Sleep is for the weak!” – my daughter’s sleep pattern”

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Second stage labour – one becomes two

I’ve already spoke about early labour and the things we weren’t warned about. That was now a distant memory, a lifetime ago, a reflection in a mirror on which the dust of the last few hours had settled. This is our story…  Continue reading “Second stage labour – one becomes two”

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Early labour – a watched clock

The due date had arrived – and passed. In fact 10 days had passed and there was still no sign of baby making an appearance. Who the hell did she think she was? I’m at risk of having to return my Costco flowers here so we have fresh ones when we take you home. Time for a hospital visit so we can pick the lock on that cervical vault and maybe speed this up a bit…
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Costco – Evelyn’s biggest portaloo

Evelyn was invited to a fancy dress party last week with the theme of Pirates and Fairies. Perfect timing as her latest obsession is the 1953 version of Peter Pan, which obviously portrays both of these professions. After conceding that a pumpkin costume was not a valid option, our toddler decided that she’d like to be a pirate. “Great” I thought – Costco have some pretty decent pirate costumes in right now, let’s go! “Do you need the toilet before we go?” I asked. “No” she lied. Continue reading “Costco – Evelyn’s biggest portaloo”

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Indecent(ish) Proposal – proposing when she’s pregnant

We were pregnant, that much had sunk in. The idea of being a father had filtered through the layers of sediment and rock that was my reluctance to initially grasp it. The enriched product being bottled at the source was my excitement at becoming a dad. With that now settled, I could return to my task of organising my proposal – something I had planned to do before we even found out we were pregnant. Continue reading “Indecent(ish) Proposal – proposing when she’s pregnant”

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Jekyll and Hyde (or rather, Hide!) – Pregnancy Mood

Whether you’ve read the book or not, most of us are familiar with the Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde – the mild-mannered individual who takes a potion and is awarded the addition of a new personality with psychopathic mood and tendencies. I’m sorry to say that this sums up pregnancy – and us guys supplied the potion. Continue reading “Jekyll and Hyde (or rather, Hide!) – Pregnancy Mood”