I recently watched Honest Mum‘s live Facebook feed on how she applies her makeup (no it doesn’t apply to me, but her videos are good to watch anyway!). It struck me that it looks like a very hard skill to master, and that I should at least try it once in my lifetime. Don’t pretend you haven’t thought the same guys. Anyway, the idea evolved into having Evelyn put makeup on me. The results were interesting…

Maybe he’s born with it…

Shortly after having the stupid idea of Evelyn doing it, I had the odd urge to film it. Now, I’ve never been one for being on camera (or putting on makeup), let alone being on a screen moving about so all my gauche ways and mumbling utterances are noticeable too. Nevertheless, I ran with the idea.

I’d already shaved the day before, and I hate shaving anyway, even more so a day after having already gone through it! I took a hot shower and proceeded to take a few layers of skin off with my crap razor. You can see the raw skin in the video (if you have any tips then please let me know. I’ve always suffered with razor burn!).

Video below!

I may have been impaled a few times with a makeup pencil (goodbye street cred) and had an abrasive mascara brush scrape over my cornea, but look at her face!

The results

Well, the results speak for themselves, clearly. I might have to get an agent for the modelling contracts that are about to roll in. It’s more likely I’ll need a doctor though – to fix my eye and to set my bones after I take a beating for looking like one of those clowns lurking the streets!

Sexy, right?
Happy ending at least!
In your face!

On a serious note…

This is all in good fun, but makeup is one of the elements that play a pivotal role in the transition from child to young adult. All kinds of questions have shot through my head. At what age will I think it’s acceptable for Evelyn to wear makeup? What about the magazines that she will be buying with the airbrushed pictures setting ridiculous expectations of body image? Will she feel pressured to wear it to “fit in” with these expectations?

Makeup can make someone look a lot older than they are, it’s just one of those things. Although difficult to imagine now, there will come a time when Evelyn wants to wear it, and I admit I’m not looking forward to it. This sweet innocent child that wants cuddles in the morning and that holds my hand as we walk through the park will soon want to be attracting the opposite sex (or the same sex, whatever she wants!) and it makes me uncomfortable. There are ample reasons for this but two main ones spring to mind.

1. It means she doesn’t need daddy as much any more

Ouch! The time will come, I know, but I want to delay it! Is it creepy to keep buying her Disney Pyjamas and cuddly toys into early adulthood? Probably. She’s already growing up so fast I’ve half considered feeding her once every other day to stunt her growth!

I can’t stop it so I suppose the best I can do is be the best dad I can so that she knows she always CAN come to me. It’s her life and I want her to live it how she wants, but I’ll have to judge when guidance becomes controlling and take it from there.

face paint makeup
This is all the makeup she gets for now.

2. Boys

It doesn’t seem too long ago that I was in school (it was), I would notice that girls suddenly started wearing makeup and with that would come the double-takes that the boys in the school would do. Granted – some of them went WAY overboard and looked like they’d been involved in a chemical explosion, but those that had done it right were more noticeable now. It scares me to imagine boys looking at Evelyn the same way. Hypocritical I know, massively so, but I’m just being honest. It’ll come right about the same time that alcohol and drugs are a temptation and friends’ parties start happening without adults there. Right now all I’m worrying about is sweets rather than drugs, and sugary drinks rather than alcopops.

I sound so old!

A brief history

Stay with me here, I’ll try not to bore you.

To quote Shakespeare: “I’ve heard all about you women and your cosmetics too. God gives you one face, but you paint another on top of it.”. He has a point – you are what you are, so why do women feel the need to paint and perfect themselves? Sometimes to the point that they will not leave the house without putting makeup on for fear of people seeing them how they actually are?

We hear about it in history, from the Geishas of Japan to the Egyptians and their black-ringed eyes. It’s been in existence since around 3000 BCE and today it’s more common to wear it than to not. My Fiancé Kathryn spends up to two hours a day preparing her face before she will leave the house. She has psoriasis and feels extremely self-conscious about it, and I understand that. I get that she would want to cover it up – but I don’t agree she should have to. I understand why she does it but I think she feels she has to, due to people’s expectations rather than vanity being to blame.

Nefertiti. I wonder if that makeup took two hours?

The confidence factor

Some women enjoy experimenting with different looks, a mixture of colours and shades creating a whole new image on which they can carry a different persona that day. I’m jealous of this to be honest, because aside from wearing my second pair of jeans I don’t really have a way of expressing individuality. Thinking of it in this way makes me think that it’s a choice rather than a sociological obligation. It’s a nicer alternative and I hope it holds true in most cases.

Others say it instils confidence in them, they know they look good and they carry themselves accordingly. I’m pleased for them (not you lot on TOWIE though, you look ridiculous!). The cynic in me still thinks that it’s used as a veil over the insecurities and a spotlight on what they want to portray though. Eradicate the blemishes, enhance the shape and colour.

The habit

For Christmas this year we are considering buying Evelyn one of those creepy doll heads that you can put makeup on and style their hair. Surely that’s just propagating this expectation I’ve spoken about? We’re training her to think a certain way aren’t we? She wants to make them look like the Disney princesses we have let her watch for the last year – with their perfect features, flawless skin and textbook model bodies (ok, maybe not that last one, since they’re already decapitated). Realistically, It’s a 2 year old girl who has seen her aunt cut hair and wants to do the same (hi Rach. You’re awesome!).

Puffed-up lips, the pout and huge eyes. It’s just all so wrong I think

For now she enjoys playing with makeup, and it’s fine with me. For now. In the future I will have to gauge the reasons she is wearing it. I want her to be confident and wear it to perhaps be who she wants to be. I do not want her to feel as though she has to wear makeup. Furthermore, I don’t want her thinking it’s a mark of eccentricity to not wear it.

My opinion?

Notwithstanding the above, I do think makeup is attractive in moderation. I also think too much of it makes you look like you’re on your way to clown school. At the end of the day, as long as you’re doing it for you – keep doing it. For the time being though, my only worry is Evelyn making an eyeball kebab with an eyeliner pencil…

Do you have any thoughts on this? How are you going to handle the “makeup stage” with your child? Also, dads – I’d love to see some makeup art, get pouting!