I wouldn’t say political correctness is my strong point, so take the following with a pinch of gender-neutral, gluten-free hypoallergenic non-binary salt…

Stop taking offence

Can we all just stop being so fucking offended at everything please? I’m talking to you – the one that just recoiled at the use of the word fuck. Stop it. IT’S JUST A WORD!

The offence-taking culture has been creeping up for years now, and it’s about to reach boiling point. Every day there are new inventive ways to take offence at things, revolutionary methods of twisting the innocent words of the masses and making damn sure they’ll have to rephrase going forward or face the wrath of a new group of weirdos who have just “found themselves”. Common sense does not prevail as of late.

Extrapolate the current trend and we’re all going to be silenced. The days of laughing at the ban of the the word “blackboard” are long gone – doctors are coming out with phrases such as “front hole” for women’s genitalia in case the female in question is identifying as a man that day. WHAT?

Taking offence on behalf of people

My Indian friend told a joke at the expense of Indians, and some British lady (also an idiot and professional offence taker) decided to take offence on behalf of all Indians on the planet and tell him how he was hideously racist. Shut up love, surely you’ve got a review of some broccoli or something to write for your vanilla blog, no?

I’m so bored. I’m bored of people staring at me open-mouthed miming “YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!” when I ask why a heterosexual bearded man of 33, called Jay, is using the women’s changing rooms at a gym and getting upset when women cover themselves up. I’m bored of seeing parents putting girls’ clothes on their boys, feigning offence just to prove a point and increase engagement on their social media. I’m sick and tired of certain women shaking their head at me, disgusted that I’ve offered to help them with a heavy bag they’re carrying. Fine love – struggle to your car, let the arse of that Tesco bag prolapse and I’ll laugh at you chasing your Pepsi down the road.

There’s no giving offence, only taking offence

A good friend once told me that there’s no such thing as giving offence, only taking offence. It’s true (thanks Our Rach Blogs). If you’re out to offend someone, then your opinion better matter to them – otherwise you’re shit out of luck.

So rather than be like these tiresome offence-warriors whipping their dead one-trick-horse and trying to squeeze an extra follower out of that story of when they were featured in Metro that time, just chill out. Stop trying to see every single thing as an attack on something. Stop trying to change your mindset in 5 minutes so that you’re offended by every new buzz phrase. In reality, nobody outside of your facebook group dedicated to that one topic cares if you’re taking offence. You taking offence at something does not mean it’s offensive. Perhaps you’re just a ridiculous millennial who has been told they’re perfect and right all their life. Perhaps you’re the type that think the war against terrorism can be won with teddy bears and cuddles.

Ultimately, ask yourself “does this really matter?” before you campaign about girls’ toddler clothes having that pink lining. Is it worth that protest march?

No. It isn’t. Chill the fuck out.